2014: a remembrance

and there I was – a few days into this rotation – back at home in Olympia – only to be greeted by a clear sky and sliver of moon

there were so many moments when I thought to myself – today I am going to document this incredible space I live in – I never necessarily followed through – photos exist here and there but the space is primarily remembered in my heart – the two month waiting for you to come home began

a dear friend had traveled back home with me – to stay for what turned into 10 days of magick – our home was a prime space for catalyzing exactly that – magick

we all gathered for the first time since this trip around the sun began – there was a sense of relief to see each other – to create together – to continue exploring the artist between each of us

to run into the ocean all at once – holding hands – only to have the sea inject imprints of home and feel the burn of salt water at midnight – loud shrieks and laughter rippled through

our living space often looked this way – various other beings we loved coming to create and heal and keep each other company in the dark winter months – these days are close to my heart as are all of you

there was always a primary focus on creating – in any way shape or form that I possibly could – I’ve often functioned that way through out this lifetime

I enrolled myself into a photographic printmaking class – the opportunity to be in a studio again – to take part in an art form I so deeply love – to re-ignite my love for image on fabric

an exchange of words and image – to compliment each others minds – these are some of my favorite

our karmic ties are strong – to teach other – to push each other – you are a reflection that I have unbearable amounts of love for – thank you for the creative voyage – for sailing through such a deep and extraordinary time with me

it’s amazing how present seasonal shifts are when you live in such an abundant environment – spring was quickly approaching – death and life were both so very present – 25+ mice dying in the wall you rest your head against is heavy – to say the least – that was only the beginning

we were so consistent about all spending time together – such an amazing experience to feel such family in your community – I never realized the full spectrum of how special this all really was (is) – cooking for each other spending time on the shore – we took care of one another – walking through winter – together – makes it that much more bearable – maybe even enjoyable

death was ever present on our property – this time I arrived home to a dead doe in our parking lot – an unsettling feeling lurched inside of my stomach – the kind that is universally sized – the cosmos whispering in your ear – what a strange difficult two weeks

and somewhere in between all of this you walked in – so casually – never did I expect to find one of my dearest teachers and friends in the basement of a college – but I guess you can’t really expect these things – you let my creativity reign free on your skin within weeks of crossing paths – thank you – this was pivotal

 that night I drove through snow covered forest – I remember the drive well – every branch was so heavily dusted – that as I drove through knocking the snow off – each would fly up in the most glorious lightfast manner – those two weeks completely took it out of me – one month down – one to go – there is nothing quite like waking up to a greenhouse surrounded by a foot of snow – it never snows in Olympia

I was so thoroughly enchanted walking through the woods that day – knowing this magick occurrence was fleeting – that weekend was spent learning basic Tai Chi and listening to him speak of the horse the was ever present – it was time to hold on

 we bonded over heading south – to explore to see old friends – to get away from the little oasis that was home – you are so nurturing to be around – I look forward to seeing you again soon my dear

you came to visit us in our forest home – to perhaps consider moving there yourself

again we were all together – to celebrate solar returns – to celebrate each other

I always appreciated (appreciate) the creative energy that we all hold together – painting and drawing all over each other – dancing – there is a certain amount of openness and acceptance that was always present – easy to be around

here’s to two little piscean beings that shed much light in this lifetime

mornings were always still – I never got going until noon or later – there is a silence that exists when living out there – a lack of time – you move with the tide – the light doesn’t change very much through out the day – so you must function on your own clock

I was exploring my love of installation in small ways through our living space – a passion for the execution and arrangement of objects – taking up a fascination with combing the type writer and fabric

we all headed north – to watch you play music – to support you – to enjoy each others company – I felt withdrawn – inward to say the least – the moon was new – I submerged myself into the icy womb of the earth – and filled out an application that would lead me to something life changing – paradigm shifting

two months came and went just like that – a new book opened up – something continued – it was so good to see you again – to have you back at our house – feelings hard to contain

   past ways of creation opened up with new friends  – reminders of my deep love for the image of our surrounding cosmos – for the female form – for friends and their openness – for your positivity

 the visual time log began – attempting to make daily entries – to use this scroll as a second flood book but a more public one – to have a fluid motion of mark making – letting everything out

and in a blink of an eye my printmaking class was over – having created more prints than I can count – as I usually do when I practice printmaking – the feeling of creative abundance engulfed me – expressions of home were displayed

and again we were all together – as we so often were – holding such space of communal creation

saying goodbye and hello – closing and opening – experiencing experimental activities  – watching each other interact with the inner child and beyond

sharing talents with each other – dancing spring in – everything was suddenly exploding into life

new places were on the horizon – the feeling of flying over the heavens to somewhere unknown – somewhere on my own – being completely taken there by other forces

little did I know how good it would feel – how quickly I would fall in love with New Orleans – the hospitality – the kindness

the plant life and weather – it remembered a part of me that felt so dormant – to have quiet introspective explorative time by myself – what an amazing rare feeling that was – is – the ability to learn a city so quickly is not one that I am familiar with – to be able to bike all over it in a matter of days – the magick that lives there feels of balance to my current home

I have never felt such comparable land magick – needless to say I had that feeling – that feeling of being immediately at home – as though I could have stayed there from the beginning

one of the forces that had landed me there was a music festival – which I would have never chosen to go to on my own – instead I had the opportunity – via a good friend – to take photos of the musicians – a way more desirable realm to experience this environment – at least in my opinion – it filled my heart to see hip-hop acts perform that I have been listening to for the better portion of my life – thank you Nas – thank you Bone Thugs n Harmony – I love you

oh and the colors there – don’t even get me started on that cities colors – completely amazing and full of enchantment – there is no fear in the use of color to be found there – and then when the plants come in – they inhabit so many of the porches attached to these prismatic homes – such an inspiring symbiosis of environment – thank you New Orleans for being my gateway into spring of 2014

and oh boy is the Mothership ever present – I hear you – I see you – I love you – greetings to you too my dearest

making permanent impressions was accelerating ( still is ) – faster than my thoughts can move – I used a machine to mark human flesh for the first when I arrived back at my origin – many emotions to process – so easy – so excited – and completely not into it – is what I realize I little more everyday

planning guerrilla dance parties in the streets of Denver – which originated in an inspired breakfast conversation – totally amazing playful manifestation – one of the many reasons you are dear to me – the ability and openness to play freely is one that is so important

you – there aren’t words for you or what I’ve known since the day I met you – you we’re gaining importance and time in my life so quickly – after months of constantly missing each other – going here going there –  catching one another for a few days in between – finally – finally we we’re both still – in one place long enough to really truly establish what had been building for so long

our time living in the forest was coming to a light fast closing – spring and sun came back like lightning – days were becoming filled with crawling around the beach – through the pollinating plants – adventuring – seeking –

bonding – finding a balance – and finally being able to have the time to enjoy this collaborative reflection –

examining our surrounding spectrum – getting to fully enjoy the gifts of our surrounding lands – treasure hunting

death was still very present – decay is always surrounding us – lingering in scent – watching time disintegrate – the realization

that this will not always be home – sinking in – so quickly – how grateful I am and always will be for this place – this ever so relevant section of the heavens – my cocoon

and most of all that we shared this time of great importance together – you push me – love me – you are one of my greatest teachers and have been a profound doorway in my life – a true balance and reflection of self – the definition of a sister – thank you for everything that you are – for endless hours of playing and creating so freely with me – with you

to pass a teaching to you – the incredible gift and imperfections and lessons – all concealed on this suit for the walk of a lifetime – you are always with me

returning to old mediums – old loves – what a theme of this year – weaving past and present – learning to use my hands again – to mold and shape shift earthen matter – a true passion – a true gift of Earth and ligament

opening in ways that we never had – a day filled with the spectrum of emotions – you are ever present and tangible in this lifetime – beginning to truly see – you

the mycelial like network that exists between all of us – connections – crossing over – honesty and blaring sun on the beach front – oh how I miss that beach front

an incredibly pivotal tattoo – the realization of forming totems – the realization of how dear you are to me – many blessings

the temperature difference in water and sun – somehow made it more bearable to submerge our warmth drenched bodies into the always stinging cold Puget Sound

it is the feeling of strength and self control to enter those waters – self preservation – an evoking of bright inner life – so deeply enlivening

I don’t know where you came from or where you went – but the few days we spent together were a true gift – the way you would follow me and sat on my shoulders – such an immediate bond – some kind of little messenger – a tiny furry angel you are – if only you could have stayed with me beyond that short window

you’re another one I don’t have words for – sometimes there just aren’t words – but you know – I know you do

you came during the closing of it all – an end cap of sorts and probably the best time you could have – to see how my life had seeded out there into some great mystery of environment – to spend time with each other because that seems to be ever fleeting these days

I mean we were REALLY good at gathering – a general sense of intimacy in our community – something I have never seen or experienced anywhere else – this is an example of the magick Olympia holds

the secret greenhouse passage had a different life at night – one much more curious – haunting – one sided

the meeting and expression of impeccable minds – nothing is quite as moving as creation that truly originates from the heart – you should play together more often

sun is life changing – I’ve never appreciated it as much as I do since I have lived in Washington – becoming a little more grateful for it everyday – to see how people shift with the seasons has taught so much – a completely different level of interaction occurs – how beautiful to see all of the community come out of the winter woodwork to share music and daylight with one another – to feed and dance with our surrounding reflections – a door closing

and a new – very exciting door opening – I live for the moments that I get to be with all of you – in a singular time frame – to see you all interact – a collision of sharp minds – teachers – listeners – guides – you are all angels – this was the last of it – the final moments of our strange healing window in time – and then – the great unknown of after

and just like that – a new place – an experience that will be completely life changing – within a matter of 24 hours I had said good bye to my soul sister and hello to this ethereal desert land body – and to greet uncannily familiar beings – beings of light

how had I not been here yet in this lifetime? – how can some experiences feel so familiar? – almost as though to re-walk through a dream – in a waking state

you have created an everlasting ripple in this lifetime – in this self – some of the greatest fuel and inspiration I have met with yet – I am constantly blown away by all of you – by the amazing vast creative portals that each and every one of you are

the mommas of this new paradigm – the embodied experience of the starry counsel – this is why I am here – to meet you in the flesh – the physical plane – you excite and inspire my heart beyond my expressive capabilities

for whatever reason I followed the inkling to spend a week in a place that I once despised – what a transformative chain of events – totally swept off my feet by L.A. during this segment – there is a profound portal there right now – drawing in strong creation and manifestation

and now things were full speed ahead – moving faster than thought – than time itself – to somehow find the hours to enjoy the golden sun of our region and move out the past 9 months – to pull together an art show in a matter of a few days

thankfully for whatever reason – we are particularly good at that last part

to remember a deep love of installing – curating – directing – and color – the spectrum and its symbiotic existence – similar to the events of this lifetime

to be so wildly in love with you – you are so many figures in one and the most phenomenal reflection I could ask for – knowing your importance since we first crossed paths not knowing it would feel as beyond as it does

your relevance in this lifetime is constantly gaining traction – opening doorways – letting me see further into my self

every emotion I’ve ever felt was at it’s fullest volume – completely spinning out – so much to make happen in a very short few days – no time to process – hours of water droplets falling from my eyes in the somewhat backyard of a kind of future home

and saying goodbye to you and all of the spirit that lives within you – I’m still working on this one – sometimes I wake in the middle of night – heart racing thinking about all of it – how it may always hold as one of the most significant time periods of this lifetime – eternally grateful and constantly remembering this – all but a dream

days disappearing with the beat of the heart – a car full of everything that I “own” and some of the dearest humans in my life – in the middle of no where Oregon – a night spent lodged between driver and passenger seat – probably the most notable and most restless night of sleep achieved in 2014

making our way back to my roots – but first a stop in the mountains of Utah – to stay with other very relevant humans – only to get sucked into the definition of a creative portal and over a foot of snow in the middle of June – a primary example of everyday magick

a primary example of play – acknowledging the inner children in us all – stories and music and painting – the hearts we’re filled to the brim – and we completed the final leg of travel

a place once called home – having more acceptance for it every time I return – maybe the environment feels more resonant – still un-sure of that one – shifting energies – halfway settling – mostly unsure and always grateful

a pivotal time in the creative career that was (is) manifesting so quickly – more permanent markings and meetings – more trust from more humans – completely blown away – constantly speechless by all of you out there – thank you for fueling dreams and affirming intuition – you make this all possible

we started west and met east – from one side to the other – some form of completion – a beautiful type of water to be in – one I had never been exposed to – so grateful for any body of water that will hold this body

you are accumulating a collection so quickly – medicine to move and grow with you – logging travel and time on your skin – these were the 3rd

 and the 4th – cosmic friends for each other

 days often felt like this

and looked like this – slowing down – melting and bending linear time – never wearing pants – resting – constantly resting – the pain was consistently and deeply wearing on you at this point and then in a matter of a few hours everything lifted but perhaps not fixed

marks made in time – monuments and facets of transformation – of devotion – a month together in solitude – removed from the world – from time – as if everything stopped so that this month could exist – thank you

another segment of more vital creations – my primary medium – ever gaining my love and fascination – constantly collaborating and meeting with other minds

and some how I was in motion to the great pacific northwest – taking two weeks to wander around some favorite parts of this land mass – what a dream it is to travel alongside you – in unification with you

 the desert has sunsets like no other – colors like no other – something to lust over

 the quality of returning to an accelerated environment – to crawl in and around land vortexes

to overlap fond reminiscence with new sense – to re touch the same rock formations and plant beings – the full spectrum totally concentrated

 a few days // locations // experiences later only to wake up to a living paradise overlooking a place that I had developed such love for a few months previous – playing in the salty pacific waves and running through hot sand – so revitalizing – light hearted – one so close to my heart – more days like this would be welcomed – gladly

and the decision that changed the layout of our entire journey – Burning Man – what a strange experience – place – city – whatever one may call it – with only 5 or so days notice we were committed – curve ball that came in from the left – a four day segment and so full of everything that it could be full of – we were both starting to feel exhausted at this point

we were thoroughly exhausted by the time we made it back to Reno – dust covered and raw – a good feeling – maybe once a year or so – within the next 3 days we will be back in Olympia – that was gut wrenching and daunting to me – I could feel something approaching

it was one of the harder landings that I’ve personally had – somewhere in between not having a home – processing my previous departure of this place – everything it had meant for me and being somewhat relieved to back and most definitely relieved to be with you – through all of it – and so the two month window opened

I felt awful – genuinely worse than I have ever felt – there were good moments – they still felt cloudy – sometimes I went down to Portland to tattoo – to somehow attempt to strike passion into myself – some amazing monuments were created within that abyss

most of my time during this window was spent crying – purging really dark negative feelings – falling in love with the world of mycology – feeling completely worthless – sometimes light would shine through this tremendously foggy tunnel

about half way through I retreated to Orcas Island – to meet sisters – to create a drum – a heartbeat – to tune in and heal while still feeling semi at home – more than semi really – sleeping in dreamy accommodation

and meeting incredibly inspiring beings – the creations that come through the humans on this planet are constantly blowing me away – we are all so capable of anything that comes to mind

this tiny window was so healing – so needed – to be around nurturing mother energy – to feel taken care of – seen – heard – felt – supported – thank you

somehow this all picked up where it left off – tears streaming down my face standing in this weird field of a back yard – I guess this was home for now

and amongst all of the in between – I cut it all off – to make room for this growth

I love each and every one of you so dearly – you are messengers are the cosmos – friends to work alongside with – thank you for coming here and making yourselves heard – I am honored to be in your presence

and then there’s you – again – always – I am constantly in awe of your ability to support and show up and be present – even through the darkest thing I’ve ever felt – you are so brilliant – a sharp and nurturing mind to say the least

you see me in my most vast form – more of the spectrum than anyone else has ever seen – you capture me closest to the truth – and here’s to 20 years around this sun – occupying this space ship – the most mind expanding and synchronistic 20 years to be imagined – eternally grateful for every moment

after you had returned from over seas – a couple months previous – it was almost strange – strange that we no longer lived in the same structure – together – we both were feeling slightly fed up – the need to leave this strange utopia we call home – so we set a date and when that date arrived – man did it prove to be difficult to leave – three twelve hour days of driving through beyond intense weather conditions – snow – ice – sliding off of the road – sleeping on the side of the highway – being able to laugh about all of it to finally make it back to past homes – our mothers and families – familiarity

I had never felt such a deep craving to be with family – to be at my original home – my heart needed it – and for the third time this year I had the blessing to mark countless extraordinary humans – learning more every poke – every person

originally I left with the thought that I wouldn’t see you for a month – that changed in a matter of a week – you met me in Denver – such an amazing surprise – it has become increasingly more difficult to spend time many miles apart from you

two weeks in Denver and over 30 permanent impressions created – and I departed – it always goes by quicker than my mental motions – I headed south – only to have my first stop be filled with the enchantment of a new connection and healing waters – still in awe of this holy place

nothing compares to the colors and ethereal qualities of the desert body – I lust for it – for the flora and scent that is carried through the air – the extreme qualities of environment – the dryness – it is so balancing for me – so neutralizing – my body feels completely aligned with this ecological environment these days – somehow I thrive there

the feeling of being completely embodied – to return the clarity that I have always carried – to be completely at peace with self – something that I missed so dearly

every stop – reconnecting me a bit more than the last – nourishment in familiarity and mystery – still struck by this sky – these colors – and sometimes photos do not exist for the most profound feelings – in fact neither to words – but they exist without the need for documentation

a few days later I was back at home – so briefly that it didn’t sink in – enough time to unpack – to re-pack – to head east with my deepest love – to a different aspect of home – one that fulfills me on many levels – his origin – everything that he came from and to be completely in love with all of it – the atmosphere of non linear time – as if the entire world stopped for those two weeks – to rest – to be completely taken care of

and then on the last day of this cycle we submerged back into the city – one of the largest on the planet – what concept and energy is held there – and then there is you – there is always you – I sit here trying to imagine how words can be put to this partnership – they simply can’t – you blow me away time after time – and although we have our hardships not always being in the same geographical location – I have love deeper for you than has ever existed in me – thank you for being my ground – my roots – you will always ascend verbalization another lap around the sun has been completed – perhaps at record speed – every emotion and interaction so extraordinary – high volume to say the least – it has been acknowledged and felt that we are living in a period of great significance – a holy age – it is time that we come together – in whatever way shape or form – and do our best to inform each other – our environment – and to move through it with as much grace as we are capable of exuding – there are tremendous happenings on the horizon – here’s to another rotation aboard the Mothership